Fear of Being Ordinary

I had a realization in church on Sunday. I don't recall exactly what I was hearing or reading, but it was just like this sudden conviction that in my pride, I'm afraid of being a normal, ordinary, nobody. I almost crave the attention and approval of others and it is a sickness.

Now, this isn't a new realization. My husband would tell you that I work hard to please, and that it has been a process of letting go of the fact that I can't make every one happy. I think I've come a long way from my high school days of constant stomach aches and high anxiety levels and nights of tears; however, motherhood seems to be pulling a strand out here and there and it's a sickness and a sin.

I know I'm not a nobody. I have many characteristics and life circumstances that would make me "weird" in the world's eye. I am a covenant partner and co-heir with Christ, and it isn't because I did enough to please Him.

I think that's why my blogging in the past months has been less personal and more task-oriented. I was afraid that people would think I'm boring or OCD or crazy. Honestly, I don't blog for relevance though. I blog for me. I like writing, I like chronicling my days, I don't have time to sit and journal each moment, so I capture it on my iPhone and put it in Project Life or on this blog. I'm knot particularly awesome at any of those things either, and it's okay. I wasn't put on the earth to have the best blog (though some are) or the most creative Project Life album (though someone is) or the most organized house (but I sure love trying!). I have many roles, none ordinary, but sometimes boring and all redeemed in the name of Christ.

Here's to more personal (not schedules of projects) blogging in April.